The past two weeks I have found it impossible to write.  Since January of this this year our family, and friends have had one blow after another.  Some things I cannot talk about directly, but wish I could.  I think I would feel better, but in the grand scheme of things it is not about me feeling better.

This year has been impossible.  From a tragic death of a young family member, the death of a dear friend, issues within my marriage, coping with all that this disease has brought to our life, and watching someone you love silently suffer through depression.
My husband is in therapy, and it has helped him immensely.  He started to go to get help and guidance on how to live as a caretaker of someone with a chronic illness.  But every week it goes on, he goes in with a heavier heart with another dilemma to talk about.  He always leaves her office feeling more grounded, and with better understanding.
This week when he went in he said she actually looked like she was going to start crying.  All I could think of what a wonderful woman to have such compassion, and GREAT he broke the professional now what are we going to do.

When the world seems like it is handing you more and more you cannot handle, how do you cope?  I am pretty good at picking myself up off the floor, dusting off and saying lets keep it moving.  Until yesterday I was doing this very well.

Addisons disease has taught me so much about my limitations with stress, and I am getting better at calming my body into  not have it revolting against me.  But having this new strategy of calming myself makes me feel like I am not totally dealing with everything.  That maybe I am swallowing it down for another day. To just survive this next wave of events.

I read a blog by a spiritual guru named Teal Swan.  And it was exactly what I needed to hear.  I will place a link on the page if anyone wants to read it.  I am open to all that is coming our way and I am trying to take it with the knowledge the universe and God truly love me, and that nothing is made for me to suffer.
http://blog.thespiritualcatalyst.com/the-alchemy-of-fear-and-love/
Just a quick jot of thoughts

Down On The Farm

 

Let me just give you a little back story on my middle son, Wyatt.  He is six, and for years has told me "Mom, I am really going to miss you when I go to the desert to be a cowboy".  He has always wanted to be a cowboy, live on a farm, ride buffalo, if it was something a cowboy did he wanted to do it.  Except kill the animals of course.  Because this particular aspiring cowboy is an animal lover.  He cries when he see's an animal die in a movie, he is so empathetic towards animals I often say it is like he came straight from the earth. Nature, and animals it is what he loves. BUT, back to the cowboy at hand!  

Knowing his love of animals, and farms this aspiring cowboy has; you can also imagine how excited he was about his class field trip to a farm!  I rarely get to go and participate in the kids school activities, because I never feel well enough.  This week something was in the air.  I felt GREAT! I went to a choir concert, and this field trip! Boy, was I glad I did not miss it.  

When we first arrived we all huddled in a small building for a run down of the rules of the farm.  Once that was said and done, we split the classes up and went on our adventure.  First they lined the kids up on a bench to milk a cow.  For the life of me I cannot remember the name of this cow, but she was such a good sport. She was pregnant and had 27 kids grabbing at her udders. If I were that cow I would have been far less cooperative.  The look on most of the kids faces when they had to get down and milk her was priceless, I wont post pictures of them though... Only my own child.  He was excited, of course.  

Then they took them to feed the goats.  They did not get to pet, or touch them.  They all were pretty aggressive.  They had a bunny shed, I stayed out of that one.  We have a bunny, and I have little to do with her/him.  Wyatt loves our bunny. He came out of the shed wanting to bring our bunny to the farm.  He said she would like it better in that shed. AGREED! 

After the bunnies was the HAY RIDE to the pumpkin patch.  The deal was if you could carry the pumpkin you could take that pumpkin home.  The comedy in watching some of these kids pick up pumpkins adults would have trouble carrying was ridiculous.  They deserved an A for effort.  Wyatt was one of them trying to pick up a thirty pound pumpkin. Once I yelled over "No!" he went and found a perfectly round one that he could carry.  His friend however got his monies worth.  He carried that GREAT PUMPKIN all the way over to the tractor all by himself.  Once we were back by the buses he had to get it to the bus by himself.  I grabbed it for him so he could get down of the trailer, but handed it back to him.  I made him carry that darn thing all the way over.  Hey! Rules are rules people.  I am guessing those are the rules because charging per pound to regular customers is how they make money. 

side note One mom that was chaperoning carried a very large pumpkin for her daughter all the way back to the tractor for her.  This thing was so big the mom was struggling. She even said "we should have brought Dad".  The farm hand said to her the rules are if she can carry it........ went through one ear and out the other.  I have to say it pissed me off.  She just taught her daughter a lesson.  Maybe I am stretching it, but she showed her 1. you don't have to follow rules.  and 2. entitlement.  Like I said I might be stretching it, it might have been the way her mom acted when he said it to her (ignored him, and wouldn't look at him).  Either way I had to bite my tongue and not say "Hey, put the damn pumpkin back or pay the 38 cents per pound."  Also, acknowledge someone when they are speaking to you.  We are with a bunch of first graders.  They are watching you.  Soaking it in.  I am not perfect by any means,  but being rude is a pet peeve.  It is something I would have never been allowed to do as a child, or let my child do. It is not something I would do as an adult.  (unless provoked)

Back on track.  After the pumpkin patch, they had a 4-wheeler with these barrels linked up behind it.  So all the kids climbed in and "Farmer John" took them for a ride.  They were screaming like they were at a Cedar Point, riding a roller coaster.  They loved it!  Something so simple that probably cost them next to nothing to make gave these kids so much joy.  

There were animals we did not get to see, and I am guessing they just aren't friendly with kids.  Or, they did not trust first graders with them.  However, they were in open view and the kids loved seeing them even if they didn't get to interact with them.  Horses, a huge hog, donkey's, llama's, tame deer, and steer.  Of course they had the cat's running around, roosters galore, duck, turkey and Peacocks were everywhere.  

They wrapped up the animal section of the trip with feeding the rams, one was really old and had arthritis.  He walked around what would be his knees.  Then finally the bee hive.  No thank you, I stayed outside.  Literally my worst nightmare! The kids loved it though.  They came out telling us that if it is not pollen they won't sting you. WHATEVER.  Let them believe what ever lies they were feeding them in that hive. I am not buying.  Wyatt has been stung probably about 10 times in the past two summers, and has not even swollen at the sting sight. I think it is safe to say he is not allergic to them.  I however carry my Epi-Pen in my purse/medicine bag ready to inject at a moments notice.  Haha Ok, not really. I do have an Epi-Pen, but I am pretty irresponsible about carrying it.  I know, I know.  I am getting better. My method of not getting stung is to just flail around like a crazy person and run.  It has worked so far.   

The Grand Finale of the field trip was great. The Farm hand took the kids to the pull-barn filled with hay.  Some hay was rolled hay, and the other was bails of hay constructed into a maze.  The kids went nuts.

That is really all there is to say. Pure craziness ensued.  It was great.  I am so happy to have been able to be there with him. To watch him have so much fun, and experience a farm.  I grew up going to my grandmothers farm, and have wanted that experience for my kids.  To see him be a kid and play and love being in that environment was just good for my soul, and his.